Dead Love: Zombie Style

You’ve all asked the question again and again: What does the fashionable zombie wear? Well, the jury is still out on that one, and I mean to address it in the coming days, months, years … and in this effort, I am enlisting the aid of some very special fashionistas. San Jose is fast becoming a force in post apocalyptic fashion, so I asked stylist Eric Belladonna a few questions about zombie-wear, and he had some surprising answers.

Q. What is high fashion for zombies. Is there a special look?

A. Zombies are far more intelligent than reputation has them. Just ask yourself: “How can someone live an entire life, develop skills and learn patterns, and just lose all that knowledge after death??? I mean, have you ever walked home without looking up once or even contemplating your next step toward your destination? See, you just can’t forget that stuff, not even when you die… AND who decided that vampires could die and come back newly sexy and supernaturally re-animated, and not zombies? Zombies always seem to come back dumb and in tragic 70′s outfits that you wouldn’t even donate to the Good Will store.

I once met a zombie; she opened my eyes. She (name withheld to protect the zombie) died sexy and was un-graved sexy. Her catacomb was a closet of tattered black patent leather and charcoal-colored lace. Her sunken eyes from yesteryears of creeping in dimly lit clubs, and those crimson lips stained by the blood of her scummy lovers, made me cold with horror. She had smarts, beauty and reflexes unlike any zombie I ever saw on the silver screen. She wanted to eat me, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. I’m a creative person; they say that the artsy kind have tastier brains, so I was a prized one. It wasn’t that she liked me—not at all—she just needed my employee discount. Her hunger couldn’t overshadow her appetite for fashion.

Q. What about footwear? We’ve seen the one shoe on, one shoe off thing; but on or off, what should that shoe be?

A. (This zombie) got her name from walking home on all fours. She would party until the sun came up. She wore sleek Christian Louboutin six-inch heels, that loved to make there way into the eye sockets of annoying club perverts.  If most zombies lost their shoes while pushing themselves out of their tombs, she lost hers to kicking a New-Waver with too much liquid courage in the face.

Q. Are sleepwear and underwear zombie-right? If so, how have you or would you have liked to see them used.

A. A feminist to the core, she once had a bra, but she burned it.

Q. Can you share your thoughts on zombie accessories? Belts? Ties? Hats? Socks? Quarantine masks? Bandages? Other??

A. If it’s leather (this zombie) will surely wear it. If PETA has anything to say, they’re probably wolves under cover and you should stay away. That’s another thing she taught me.  PETA is actually a band of wolves … it’s true.

Q. And how about hair and make-up? Zombie nails? Any recommendations?

A. Hair always BLACK AS NIGHT! Nails should always be clean.

Q. Where do fashionable zombies shop?

A. Barney’s New York. But only on sale, it’s just going to get dirty in the grave after one wear. What’s the use? As I said, zombies aren’t dumb.

Q. What will you wear to the next zombie gathering?

A. I suppose a helmet. I can’t have zombies sniffing up my brain. I’m told mine is painfully delicious smelling …

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So, there you have it. Our first expert shares secrets of zombie style. Thanks, Eric. As for me, I’m keeping my nails long so that I can claw my way out of any casket, and I love a ragged edge.

—Erin Orison, DEAD LOVE/the Daily Slice


Photo courtesy of Eric Belladonna

  • boldlow

    Love it when Dead Love becomes my classroom – and only you can do that, Erin! Thanks for the fashion tips…

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