Dead Love: Zombie Resolutions for the New Year

I love zombies as much as the next person. I actually have a soft spot in my brain for them, having very nearly become one and being still, to a degree, of that persuasion. So I have made a few resolutions to keep my wits and body parts about me and the undead at bay.

Here, on this first day of the last year before the apocalypse, I give you a list of resolutions that I hope will keep me one step ahead of the zombies.

1. Do not drink to the point of annihilation. I will give up some but not all of my brain cells to this form of spirits.

2. Try not to veg out. Couch potatoes cannot outrun meat-seeking zombies.

3. Think independently. The mob will lead you into the throat of the zombie hoard.

4. Avoid chemical clouds and slicks wherever possible. If a poison is obvious, I will not partake of it. If it is hidden in my food, water, and medicines I might ingest it, but I will try not to do so consciously.

5. Speaking of consciousness, I will try to remain so. No more mindless repetitions of non-productive acts like bumping into walls, though I will continue to blog. It’s my one exception.

6. Try not to hang out with other zombies, unless they are conscious. That means I will only hang out with zombies who know they are zombies and are philosophical about it. Those who are clueless about their zombie behaviors will be anathema.

7. Go on more zombie walks. Right. If you read #6 right, you’ll understand why.

8. Stay tuned in. I will not put my head in the sand, under a bushel or in any other dark and dead end place no matter how appealing it may be.

9. Keep moving. This is zealous variation of #2 and one I’m not sure I can keep without chemical aid, though I do aspire to this lofty ambition.

10. I will continue to enjoy the zombie invasion; embrace it; learn from it. I have met the zombie and I am it.

Onward zombies!

—Erin Orison, DEAD LOVE/the Daily Slice

  • boldlow

    I love your sense of humor Erin … and the subtly of your greater insight. Each Daily Slice post is full of surprises. Keep up the wonderful work. Your daily commitment is awesome.

  • Jobiggar

    Though there (here, in the white sands of desert snow) at the creation of this mightly list, I still have to say hip hurray for Erin and her (to quote the Great Colbert) “thought-y-ness.” And if blogging remains her only vice, what more could one ask of a ghoul?JB