S.F. Chronicle travel editor Spud Hilton knows that zombies are on the move. Chances are you either are one (yeah, too much travel will do that to you) or you have or will be traveling with one or more of the living dead. This is, I think, an occupational hazard for travel journalists, especially those who bite into the rotten but still somehow palatable apple and run around on endless press trips even as they complain bitterly. But I digress …
Here, for those who find themselves in the great outback with zombies—be it desert, mountain, woodland, whatever—are a few camping tips courtesy of Dead Love author, Linda Watanabe McFerrin. For Spud’s special spin on the matter, go to his “Bad Latitude” column at sfgate.com.
9 Tips for Camping with Zombies:
1. Bring a camera, but don’t bother with high-speed film.
2. Do not try to hide from the zombies! They will think it’s a game—a really fun one—and they WILL track you down.
3. Avoid camping near cemeteries. Especially cemeteries with a lot of French Haitian headstones—and built on top of an Indian burial ground.
4. Car camp. If you plan to sleep, the tent isn’t going to work. You will need a car so you can roll up the windows. Windows confuse zombies.
5. Instead of hiking boots, bring running shoes. Make sure you run faster than all your fellow campers.
6. Avoid using perfume, cologne or antiperspirant that smells like brains.
7. Check in with local police and register a safe word (so they can tell you from the zombies—and not shoot you in the head).
8. Plan on a bonfire. Seriously.
9. Forget the mosquito repellent. Think automatic weapons.
—Erin Orison, DEAD LOVE/the Daily Slice