Posted on February 17, 2011 | 
In keeping with this week’s theme of undying love, I have a little “Ms. Dead Hearts” advice for the lovesick male who is watching the woman of his dreams turn into the woman of his nightmares … which, by the way, isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
So for all you creepy guys (also not necessarily a bad thing) I have come up with my …
Ten Best Ways to Know Your Girlfriend is a Zombie
- Your girlfriend shows up in a haircut that looks like it was done with a machete.
- Your girlfriend only wears red lipstick and it seems to be applied to the inside of her mouth.
- Your girlfriend drools when she sees you.
- Your girlfriend is moody and incommunicative … more moody and incommunicative … all month long.
- Your girlfriend is suddenly only interested in oral sex.
- Your girlfriend bites.
- Your girlfriend loves to eat brains and sweetbreads … and she is not French.
- Your girlfriend stumbles and falls a lot before the fourth cosmo, martini, beer … whatever.
- It doesn’t matter what you do; your girlfriend won’t leave.
- Your girlfriend’s girlfriends are all suddenly very interested in you.
—Erin Orison, DEAD LOVE/the Daily Slice
zombie photo courtesy of Linda Watanabe McFerrin
